Anything for Love

If you ask me, there is nothing more special and more important than love! I am the type of person that loves with their entire being, and would do just about anything to save it.

What about you, would you do anything to save love? And if so, how far would you be willing to go? Would you be willing to risk your own personal health and safety? Would you be willing to lie, steal, cheat, and possibly kill to save it? How far is far enough? Is there such thing as going too far?

I believe love is always worth fighting for! While I would never go as far as breaking any laws or actually hurting anyone, there really isn’t much else I wouldn’t do to try and save love. I just cannot give up and walk away from love without fighting to the very end for it.

In my past relationship, which lasted over 9 years, I did just that. I did just about anything to try and save it. I turned my whole life upside down for her and the love we shared. I just could not walk away until I knew I had given it my all. I fought and fought to save our relationship and love until there was literally nothing left of it. It was only then, once I knew every last ounce of love was gone between us, that I could move on. I wanted to make sure that I would never have any regrets for giving up on our love too soon. Believe it or not, once I had finally reached this place it was extremely easy to walk away for good.

If you ask me, if someone is not willing to fight to save love I have to wonder if they were truly in love in the first place. I honestly don’t believe love should ever been easy to walk away from without fighting for it first. And I did just that!

What about you? Does anyone out there have a story of how they fought for love? Did you give up easily? Did you actually save it? Or did you just walk away?

Friends with Benefits

Can a “friends with benefits” relationship actually ever work without eventually destroying the friendship? Seeing as how I am not even a “one night stand” kind of guy, you can bet that I have never tried this arrangement either.

I guess the big question I have is how does this kind of relationship even begin between “friends”? Obviously there must be a mutual physical attraction between each other, but is that where it ends? And if so, how was the friendship even started if there was never any real connection on a personal or emotional level? Or do I have it wrong, does a potential real relationship become just “friends with benefits” after the couple realizes that a long-term romantic relationship would never work out? I guess that is why these relationships end up being so complex.

I am by no means a “typical man”, so it is hard for me to even see the value of this kind of relationship. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy sex as much as the next guy, but for me there has to be a deeper connection between me and my partner to truly enjoy the experience. I guess I just cannot see how people can separate the physical and emotional sides of a relationship so easily, or maybe that’s just it, they can’t.

If you ask me, I don’t honestly believe any friendship or relationship that has ended up in a “friends with benefits” situation can actually ever go back to being just friends. I am almost will to bet that someone in the friendship is always left wanting more. I think once people start being honest about what they want and how they feel they cannot help but look for a deeper connection. After all we, as humans, are social and emotional creatures. Denying these needs, in my opinion, has to lead to a hollow and empty life.

What do you think? Have you ever tried this kind of arrangement? Did it actually work out, or did it end up ruining the friendship? If you haven’t tried this, would you be willing to if the opportunity presented itself?

Comments are always welcomed!

Is Marriage Still Important?

How many of you out there believe marriage is still an important part of any long-term relationship? Can a relationship honestly last forever without a couple eventually getting married? And if not, why do you think that is? Does it have something to do with the feeling of contractual obligation that signing the marriage certificate brings? Or is it something else that keeps couples together regardless of their marriage status? What do you think?

Let me start by saying that, yes I am single, and yes I have never been married, but I still believe marriage is an important part of creating a healthy long-term relationship. To me marriage is about making the ultimate commitment to each other vowing to stay together for the good times and always work through the bad times no matter what it takes.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe relationships can last a long time without ever taking the next step to marriage, but I just don’t know if they can last forever. I say this because of personal experience. I was fortunate enough to have a wonderful relationship with a great woman that lasted over 9 years. I wanted to get married, but she always felt that we did not need that to make the relationship last. Needless to say, eventually she let the relationship fall apart no matter how hard I tried and we went our separate ways. I don’t know if getting married would have kept us together or not, but part of me will always wonder.

So what is your take on marriage? Is it just an obsolete institution from the past, a religious requirement, or something else?

All thoughts and comments are welcome!

Which do Women Prefer?

Alright ladies, which one do you honestly prefer and why? I mean time and time again it always seems like most of you at first gravitate to the bad boy instead of the gentleman. Why is this? Is it that we are not exciting enough? Do we lack a certain sort of mystery? Or is it that you are actually hoping to can change the bad boy into a bit of a gentleman and get the best of both worlds? If that is the case, good luck.

The funny thing is most of the women I know that now actually prefer gentlemen are because they dated the bad boy (or bad boys) at first and realized that after a while being continually treated like crap and being second best to his drinking buddies isn’t that fun in the long term.

I know we as gentleman are a bit predictable and less mysterious, but isn’t there something to be said about a man that is willing to put his woman above all else and love and cherish her wholeheartedly?

I guess that is just part of the curse of the gentleman. We may not get to be your first love, but we often do get to be your last love!

Dating In Your Thirties

How many of you out there would agree that dating in your thirties is a completely different experience than when you were younger? Maybe it is just me, but I often find that dating at this age is much more like going on a job interview, which is never fun.

When we were young, we really didn’t care about all of the “adult” stuff that matters so much to us now. Back them dating was simple, exciting, and most of all fun! It was all about passion, adventure, and exploration. Nothing else seemed to matter back then, nor did we let anything get in our way.

And now, in our thirties, it is completely different. The “adult” things that didn’t matter before seem to be the only things that matter now. It is all about being able to see a future with your date, and if not, it is game over. No exploration, adventure, or passion.

How sad is that? Should we really let love become a job? Should we rule out potential mates purely because they do not meet our “adult” needs? How about passion, adventure, and the process of exploring each other?

What do you think? Is dating still fun for you? Have you let the “adult” things get in your way of having fun with dating in your thirties?

What Women Say

Here is a list of the top 10 things I have been told by women who are already in a relationship to try and make me feel better about myself:

1. I don’t understand why you are still single

2. If I was single I would date you

3. You just haven’t found the right one yet

4. She is out there, just keep looking

5. You are going to make some lucky lady very happy someday

6. You are just too nice

7. You will find her as soon as you stop looking

8. It’s just not your time

9. You are just too good for most girls

10. It’s their loss, you are a great catch

How many of you out there have heard any of these lines before? Any new ones that you have head to add to the list? Let me hear them!

Rich and Single, or In Love and Broke?

First let me start off by stating I am by no means broke, nor am I rich. I would have to say most months of the year I am financially comfortable at best. But one question often enters my mind, if I had to choose between being broke and in a loving relationship, or being wealthy and alone, which would I actually choose.

At first, the thought of being financially rich sounds pretty appealing. I mean, I am already single and have been for quite some time now, so why not take the money? But after really thinking about it, I just don’t know if I would ever honestly choose to be single forever. Yes, the money would be nice, but I am already pretty lonely and no amount of money could provide any real lasting cure for that. Every relationship that you would have would be based on money and not the man actually underneath it. And as we know, shallow and superficial relationships never last.

But being broke would also have some serious downsides too. Yes, I would be happy and in love, but I would also be stressed with struggling to make ends meet to provide for my family. I know there is a lot to be said about the power of love and the strength it can provide in times of struggle, but I just don’t know if I would actually be any happier. And let’s not forget that most relationships usually end because of finical difficulties/stress.

To be honest, I just don’t know if there really is an answer to this question. I guess the answer is to be fortunate for what I do have and thankful for what I don’t. After all, I am who I am, and all my life experiences up to this point are what have made me the man that I am today. I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world.

How about you? How would you answer the question?

The Third Wheel

Oh yes, one of the biggest joys (note the sarcasm) of being single and hanging out with friends who are in relationships is getting to be the “third wheel”. Being in my thirties, I now find that the majority of my friends are in relationships and I am one of the very few in my circle of friends that is not. This means everywhere we go, I am left as the odd man out. Dinners, parties, clubs, you name it; there is always a feeling of them vs. me. This is especially noticed when I am in need of a wingman. When you are out with couples, there is no such thing as a good wingman. And to make matters worse, when single ladies see you hanging out with friends in relationships they often wonder what is wrong with you and begin to speculate on how damaged you must be. The only other option is to go out alone, but this too sucks. Going to the bar alone often make a guy look either creepy or desperate, neither of which attract women. It just often seems like a losing battle.

So I ask you, what is the solution? Any other “third wheels” out there that know what I am going through? And if so, any tips or tricks you might be able to share? If you were a third wheel, but are now in a relationship how did you pull it off?

Tips, comments, suggestions, all are welcome!

One Night Stands

As you may have read from my bio or from one of my post, I am a single thirty-something male just trying to find his way in love and life. What you probably don’t know is that I am against one night stands. Yes, I am a guy, and yes I do not believe in one night stands and here’s why.

To me sex has always been more about making love. Yes I enjoy it, yes it feels good, but to me I just cannot get into it if I am not in love with my partner. I have had several encounters with extremely beautiful women that have offered to take me home, but I just couldn’t do it. To me there is something special about the act of making love. I have only had a few partners in my life and all of them I was madly in love with, and for that those ladies will always have a piece of me.

So, does being a guy and not believing in one night stands make me any less of a man? I am willing to bet some would say yes, but to me if anything it makes me more of one. It takes dedication to ones believes to respect the ultimate gift and experience we have to offer each other. And it is my dedication to love that makes the experience that much more meaningful. To me, making love is the act of sharing one’s self to the point that two unite as one, if only for a moment. And to me that feeling is better than any one night stand could ever feel.

Is Money Important to Women?

OK, I would love to hear from some female readers regarding the importance of money when deciding who to date. What do you think ladies, does a man’s current income play into how attractive you find him? Or would you say it is more of an equilibrium type of a factor, meaning that money can offset looks?

For example, if guy A is really hot but completely broke, and guy B is loaded but has average looks, which guy do you pick to try to get to know first? If money does indeed play into the decision process, how much are we talking about? Does the income have to be over six figures a year to get your attention, or are most women just looking for security? If that is the case, how much does security cost? Do you put a price tag on a man’s income for that?

What other factors play into the initial attraction for you ladies?

Comments, responses, opinions…Let me hear them!

Contentment vs. Happiness

Is it ok to just be content in life? I mean should I be satisfied that I am just content with my life, but not truly happy? And if this is ok, how many others out there feel the same way? Or, does happiness become contentment? Do the things that make us happy at first only make us content later? I cannot help but wonder if that is being caused by our ever increasing need for instant gratification as a society? We as a people now want everything yesterday, and as soon as something bigger, better, faster comes along we want that instead. Is it possible that way of thinking has begun to take over the very way we measure happiness? And if so, should we be ok with that? What are your thoughts?

Too Shy for My Own Good

So Friday night has come and gone once again and here I am with another story to tell. As usual I put on my façade and headed out for a night of drinking in order to muster up some courage to talk to the ladies. After several drinks I finally managed to approach a rather attractive woman who I had chatting with before. Looking back now, I kind of wished I would have left it along and here is why.

In our past encounter I had managed to get her number, but of course I never used it. During this conversation I managed to remind her that I had her number and she was swift to tell me that I lost the right to use it as I had waited so long. I did not let this deter me, as the liquid courage had me feeling quite confident. After several more minutes of flirting I managed to get her approval once again. We flirted back and forth for the rest of the evening as I continued to consume more and more courage enhancing beverages.

I let her know I was attracted to her and that I was extremely shy, which is why I never contacted her. She seemed surprised by this, but at the same time flattered. Things continued to appear to go seemingly well for the rest of the night, that is until I got home.

Being the courage filled idiot I decided I should go ahead and use that magical number which she had gave me, but being rather late I opted for texting instead of a call. We passed a few texts back and forth and I continued to dig myself deeper and deeper. I finally decided I should stop and go ahead and pass out for the night.

The next morning I decided to reread the messages from the night, and that is when the horror set in. Apparently my liquid courage had gotten the best of me, not only had I proceeded to sound like a drunken idiot, I also made some promises that I knew I could not keep. Leave it to me to become way over confident while drinking to not realize I would have to possibly interact with her sober.

So that is where I am at, I had an interesting night, did some positive flirting, made and ass of myself, and am now trying to crawl back into my hole. It is the shyness that creates these problems for me. If I could just get over being shy, I would not over compensate with alcohol and put myself into these situations. But that is me, and this is who I am. Too shy for my own good, but too foolish to change, I guess that’s what makes me The Single Guy.

Now On Twitter - @SGuyChronicles

Ok, so I have been working hard to try and get this thing off the ground. It has been a slow start to say the least. I have joined Twitter in hopes of creating a little more buzz and to solicit some feedback. If you are on Twitter please either click the Follow Me badge on my blog or find me on Twitter @SGuyChronicles . Please send any and all questions and comments you might have or leave your comments here, either way works for me. Also please feel free to send topic requests if you want to know more about a specific topic or just want to know more about me in general. Thanks for reading!
-The Single Guy

Communication Is Key

Too often I talk to my friends that are fortunate enough to be in a loving relationship, but cannot seem to communicate their issues/problems with each other. This absolutely drives me crazy! They come to me for advice on how to resolve their relationship issues the whole time trying desperately to avoid actually communicating the problems with their significant others. I don’t understand why people find it so hard to believe that communication is the key to any relationship. They do not realize just how lucky they are to have someone in their life that actually loves them and wants them in their lives every single day. Communication is such a small price to pay to keep that alive. But then I realize it is fear that is actually keeping them from communicating. How sad it that! The very thing that will end up keeping the relationship alive is the one thing most couples are afraid of! They can’t seem to get past the “what if” parts of communicating. They always say, “what if it starts a fight” or “what if I upset them” or something else similar. The funny thing is I always tell them that if they get hurt or it starts a fight now it’s probably a good thing. Failure to address the issues now will never make them magically go away later. Instead all it will do is create resentment and prolong the issue into a bigger problem leading to bigger fights and possibly irreparable damage to the relationship.

So if you are out there reading this right now and are lucky enough to have found love please stop and ask yourself if your communication could be better. Are there things in your relationship that could be better, do you hide your feelings, do you not share 100% of yourself? Start being honest, love yourself, open the doors of communication, save the love, create forever, and be happy! Or, keep on doing what you are doing and wind up being single and along, just like me! Take your pick! Trust me, you never really know what you got until it’s gone, and love is something you do not what to lose!

A Day in the Life of The Single Guy

The first alarm sounds around 6:50am every day, but on most days I snooze until around 7:10am. I have little motivation to actually get up and start my day, as I generally have nothing exciting to look forward to. I get up, shave and shower, get dressed, and head out the door for the office every day at 7:50am.

I arrive at the office around 8:45am as the daily morning commute takes approximately 45 minutes. I get my coffee, log into my computer, and start my boring day. Typically I have a few projects going that I work on throughout the day. Lunch is usually around noon, and then it is back to the projects. The day ends and 5pm and I start my commute home.

I arrive home around 6:15pm, change out of my work clothes, and usually do some brief house cleaning. I start dinner around 6:45pm and usually eat by 7pm. Once dinner is over, I typically settle in for a night of TV and beer. I drink and watch TV until 10pm when I am usually pretty drunk and tired and then head to bed.

That is my life, 5 days a week, day in and day out. Nothing changes, nothing is ever exciting, and I am always alone. I often wonder why I continue with the monotony, but never seem to find a solid reason to do anything different. I guess there is a sense of comfort in knowing what the next day holds. Yet still I dream of change. Wishing and wondering what things might be like if I had the courage to change. Would I be happier? Could I become more of the person I wish I was? But that’s the rub. I am afraid of change. I cannot analyze the unknown. Because of that I stay, locked in my routine, the never ending rut that has become my life.

The only true thing I look forward to each day are my dreams. The one thing I cannot control. The only time I am truly free to feel and experience and enjoy all the things that life could be like. But then I wake up, the dreams fade, and my so call life starts again.

Dating for the Shy Guy

Here are two things that never work together, dating and being a shy guy. Most notably a shy guy that is excellent at living inside his head and getting in his own way. Let’s just say dating, or the idea of it, is almost a joke to me.

Don’t get me wrong I would love to have an active dating life, but for me that just doesn’t seem possible. Even with my façade in place I still cannot seem to push past the shyness to make the initial contact. How sad is that? I am by no means a bad looking guy; in fact I am often told I am quite attractive by female friends and colleagues. The issue is, regardless of my appearance, if a man does not approach a woman first nothing will ever happen. That is where I shutdown. The sheer thought of being rejected, criticized, or possibly laughed at instantly paralyzes me in fear. So what do I do next? I run and hide inside of my own head and rationalize my behavior. I reassure myself that it is better this way. Beside if she did say yes, who would she be saying yes to? Certainly not the real me who is hidden deep behind the façade, no one would want to see that person, would they? Shallow and superficial, that’s what people are, right? So why not return the behavior? Better yet, don’t behave at all. Be nothing, show nothing, withdraw, and hide my own world.

But for some reason I cannot give up completely. I still go out, make myself seem, and use my charm the whole time hoping she is out there. The one that will find me, see through my façade, and want the real me. I know I am still in here somewhere. Perhaps if she looks deep enough long enough she could pull me back to reality. Help me to discard my façade, and shine once again and forever.

But this is my reality. I doubt she is out there and more importantly I doubt she would ever approach me first. So here I am, stuck in the shell of existence. Not really sad, but never really happy. More than anything I am really just lonely.

First Love

It happened my junior year of high school. I had known her since 8th grade (she was in 7th), but never really took much notice until then. Actually that is not entirely true, toward the end of my sophomore year when she was a freshman I did indeed begin my crush but she was taken then. So fast-forward back to my junior year and the relationship that was my first love.

Let me start by saying she was amazing. She was beyond beautiful and what I felt was way out of my league, yet somehow I won. She would turn out to be one of only two people thus far to really get to look inside of me. She actually saw beyond my façade at the time and actually liked what she saw. To be honest I wasn’t as jaded back then as I am now. Back then I was still very much shy and reclusive, but also filled with hope and delusional ideas of romance and love. It is those qualities that she fell for, but little did I know she would also windup being partially responsible for the death of those qualities as well.

The first year when great! We did everything together and couldn’t bear to spend much time if any apart (the joys of young love). She desired me as much as I did her, which was an incredible feeling to say the least, but little did I know such things are never meant to last. There was nothing I would not do for her. I brought her flowers and small gifts randomly, took her places, and pretty much spoiled her rotten. She was my queen and I her fool. I thought I had found my fairytale and was ready to live happily ever after, or so I hoped.

The second year of our relationship was interesting to say the least. Due to a family issue, she needed to graduate with me. I worked my magic with the school counselor and got her into the classes need to make that happen. For a short time I was her hero, but that did not last long. As the year progressed, she began to become more demanding. No longer were my flowers and gifts surprises of delight, they in fact had become items of expectations and demands. If she thought I was going to bring her something and I didn’t, the fight was on. I had created a true queen with demands and all.

The last six months of what was left of the relationship was hell. I was still madly in love with her, or at least the fairytale idea anyways. I continued to try everything to keep her happy even if that meant hurting myself. I tried and I tried the whole time slowly feeling her slip away, but still I lost the fight. She no longer had time for the fool that was me; after all she was a queen now and needed to find her king.

So there I was, crushed and broken. The fairytale story over without the fairytale ending. And so it began. I vowed to never create another queen unless I was also the king. I was done being a fool, but I was also done with hope of a happily ever after. The relationship had left me forever changed and damaged in ways that could not be repaired.

These issues would come to surface in another relationship a few years later, but that’s another story.

Hiding in Plain Sight

Ok, so here is a little more about me and my long list of issues with self-value, or the lack there of. I am the type of person that likes to “hide in plain sight”. What I mean by this is that I hide behind a carefully created and crafted façade in my public life. I am friendly, happy, together, professional, charming, and pretty much overall likeable. But trust me, that is not the real me. Inside I am much more disconnected and withdrawn. While I am indeed friendly, inside I am shy, lonely, sad, depressed, and reclusive. For the most part publicly I am just a big fake. The funny thing is no one ever notices or really ever cares. As long as they see the “me” they want to see no one is ever the wiser. To be honest I don’t believe most people could handle the real me. Most days it is all I can do to handle myself.

I obsess about everything. Once my mind starts it is all over. I will dwell and drill and pound on whatever thought consumes me. I have to look at everything from every aspect all the time. There is no such thing as going with the flow for me. If I haven’t analyzed every possible outcome or angle I am not making a move. I honestly believe if anyone had to live a day inside my head they would go crazy. To be honest I am sure I already am partly there myself. The sad part is I wouldn’t trade my brain or its obsessiveness for anything in the world. It makes me who I am whether I like it or not.

As things progress you will begin to see just how much this relates to me getting in my own way in life, love, and overall happiness in general.

This is going to be a long journey, and we are only at the start.

A Brief Introduction and Background

Ok, so here it goes. This is my first post and it may take some time to get this right. With that said, let’s start with a little background.

I am The Single Guy, and this is my attempt to chronicle my life (past, present, and future) through stories, events, rants, hopes, and everything else that is me. I tend to have unique points of view and philosophy’s that make me who I am. In all honestly, that is most likely a big reason as to why I am single and continually lonely. I am the type that likes to get in their own way and is constantly living inside my own head, as you will begin to see in future post. Please feel free to leave comments or ask questions on anything you see or read here. I am hoping this will wind up being a partially interactive journey for all those along for the ride. Ok, enough intro and background for now…Now it’s time to get this thing started! Stay tuned!