Can a “friends with benefits” relationship actually ever work without eventually destroying the friendship? Seeing as how I am not even a “one night stand” kind of guy, you can bet that I have never tried this arrangement either.
I guess the big question I have is how does this kind of relationship even begin between “friends”? Obviously there must be a mutual physical attraction between each other, but is that where it ends? And if so, how was the friendship even started if there was never any real connection on a personal or emotional level? Or do I have it wrong, does a potential real relationship become just “friends with benefits” after the couple realizes that a long-term romantic relationship would never work out? I guess that is why these relationships end up being so complex.
I am by no means a “typical man”, so it is hard for me to even see the value of this kind of relationship. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy sex as much as the next guy, but for me there has to be a deeper connection between me and my partner to truly enjoy the experience. I guess I just cannot see how people can separate the physical and emotional sides of a relationship so easily, or maybe that’s just it, they can’t.
If you ask me, I don’t honestly believe any friendship or relationship that has ended up in a “friends with benefits” situation can actually ever go back to being just friends. I am almost will to bet that someone in the friendship is always left wanting more. I think once people start being honest about what they want and how they feel they cannot help but look for a deeper connection. After all we, as humans, are social and emotional creatures. Denying these needs, in my opinion, has to lead to a hollow and empty life.
What do you think? Have you ever tried this kind of arrangement? Did it actually work out, or did it end up ruining the friendship? If you haven’t tried this, would you be willing to if the opportunity presented itself?
Comments are always welcomed!
You know, this is a tricky one. I used to completely stand against anything that looked like a friends with benefits arrangement, and also one nighters. In fact, I have only had one one night stand and then spent weeks afterwards feeling guilty about it. So, I'm not made for that kind of stuff.
ReplyDeleteBut last fall, after the end of my last relationship, I had a friendship that slipped over into a friends with benefits relationship for a bit. She was attracted to me. I think I knew that before, but with the loss of my girlfriend, the loneliness was tough, and I think I acted from that place with her.
It's been four or five months now since we were last sexually intimate. Our friendship probably isn't as good as it was before, but it wasn't destroyed. It's also true that she probably wants more, and as long as we're still single, the "benefits" part could happen again.
I don't regret what happened. And at the same time, I'm not terribly enamored with how it's made things more complicated with her.
So, overall, my views are still pretty much against these kinds of arrangements. It might work out, but I think it's easy to underestimate the impact being intimate with a friend has on a relationship.
Excellent comment, thank you for taking the time to post your point of view. I could see how once you have gone down that road once, it might be tempting to do it again as long as you are both still single. Hopefully that won't happen, as it sounds like she might be too into you and might only get hurt worse if it happens again.
ReplyDeleteOnce again, thanks for the comment!
~The Single Guy~