Ok, so here is a little more about me and my long list of issues with self-value, or the lack there of. I am the type of person that likes to “hide in plain sight”. What I mean by this is that I hide behind a carefully created and crafted façade in my public life. I am friendly, happy, together, professional, charming, and pretty much overall likeable. But trust me, that is not the real me. Inside I am much more disconnected and withdrawn. While I am indeed friendly, inside I am shy, lonely, sad, depressed, and reclusive. For the most part publicly I am just a big fake. The funny thing is no one ever notices or really ever cares. As long as they see the “me” they want to see no one is ever the wiser. To be honest I don’t believe most people could handle the real me. Most days it is all I can do to handle myself.
I obsess about everything. Once my mind starts it is all over. I will dwell and drill and pound on whatever thought consumes me. I have to look at everything from every aspect all the time. There is no such thing as going with the flow for me. If I haven’t analyzed every possible outcome or angle I am not making a move. I honestly believe if anyone had to live a day inside my head they would go crazy. To be honest I am sure I already am partly there myself. The sad part is I wouldn’t trade my brain or its obsessiveness for anything in the world. It makes me who I am whether I like it or not.
As things progress you will begin to see just how much this relates to me getting in my own way in life, love, and overall happiness in general.
This is going to be a long journey, and we are only at the start.
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